Mother's Day

Lunch at Cedar Ridge Winery

I love being a mom more than anything - the challenges are many but the rewards and triumphs are far great. These three have my heart everyday and have taught me so much. I am so blessed by my trifecta and the addition of a few more. I could not do this journey without my own mom so huge love for her today and everyday.

And what would a Mother's Day be without a little baseball??? And this year, graduation preparation!

Dad photo bombed the moms!

The boys two biggest fans!

Mother's Day weekend = baseball

Graduation preparation help!

The full crew (minus Sully dog who joined us after the photo)!

Quiet and Happy Memories

April 30, 2020 - 1520 Salm Drive
Sitting on top of the Nueske while pool work happens below

These people. I love them. We just had a fantastic week together (actually a couple more days than a week). The time was so so good. Yes, we're in the middle of COVID-19 pandemic. Yes, we had sibling fights, stressful moments, times people wanted space, tears, loss of patience. Here's what else we had:

• meals together
• Spicy UNO, Balderdash and Phase 10
• hot tub
• Scavenger hunt
• episodes
• Spike ball
• soccer
• grandparents
• monkey bread and donuts
• house visits
• laughter
• sleepovers
• walks with Ryah
• puzzles
• talks

I'll take all of it over and over and over again. Tonight is quiet. Andy and Hayden are driving the three boys back to Pennsylvania. My boys are with Mitch. Ryah is asleep on my bed behind me. My heart is sad at the quiet yet oh so full by the time and memories together. 

Thoughts

Living in this time is hard. Uncertainty. Questions. Unknown. Working from home. School cancelled. Self quarantines. Social distancing. People dying. I realize my family and I have it much better than others so I need to be upfront with that statement. So my entry is not for comparison in any way.

It's hard to not see Andy. Max and Grace cannot see each other. We cannot go to the gym. We don't get to make a run to Target because we need a couple of things. No going out to eat. No seeing my parents (Gamma and Gump). Not related to COVID-19 but playing a part - it snowed yesterday, seriously? and Ryah is going through heat for the first time. Fun. We don't get to play or watch sports with other people. I miss work already and the boys miss school.  My kids don't want academic time at home.

Here's though the other side. The boys, Ryah and I went for a walk together tonight. At 7:30. At Max's suggestion. We watched an episode of The Amazing Race Season 19. Max made most of dinner while Andy and I were on FaceTime working on some house things. Pierce helped Max clean his car and both of them enjoyed the time. All of us read books today. I took a nap. Ryah had lots of pets. Zoom, Skype and FaceTime exist for video interactions and we have all kinds of written media. Boys and I are writing letters/notes to people. We read the boys church daily devotion. We're keeping a gratitude journal. Pierce did math and grammar online and listened to two science podcasts. I'm seeing kindness in people that I miss. I like the slower pace. I have time to talk with my boys. I can connect with Andy just not in person and that will return. I feel love and calm among the scare and uncertainty.

I don't know exactly what tomorrow or ten days, ten weeks or ten months looks like. I know we'll get through. It's going to hurt. We're going to get frustrated, sad, mad as a family. We'll also laugh, love, sit peacefully together. I know we will all be changed. Our economy will be changed. I believe we will find that we come through this strong.

I like today's Bible Verse in the boys EPIC devotional plan for this week -
Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.

Moments

Settle in for sentimental, capture all the details, mom in this one...

In the midst of hustle and sports and school and work and arguing siblings and mom wanting things done, there are multiple moments that make me smile, melt my heart and think life is pretty darn good.

Tonight all three boys were home at the same time and we had almost 30 minutes at the dinner table. Seriously that alone made me happy. We did all miss Andy - each boy asked separately if he was going to join us for dinner. His busy season is in full swing and he worked until well past 9:00 tonight. In part that was from having spent Saturday and Sunday with us in Ames for Graham's state basketball tournament and we're very glad he choose the weekend over tonight.

Dinner was topped by talks of the future family dog, spring break and my birthday. The last two were good but let's focus on the family dog.

The boys excitement has grown exponentially since yesterday's car ride and me actually saying "I'm ready for this to come out of my mouth. I'm ready for us to get a dog." Let's be honest, my excitement is growing too. Fast. Sure, I'm scared of the time, the work, even the money. But I also remember the delight in having a dog, the happiness, the fun, the unconditional love. And I know how much the boys want this. So we're moving forward. Yep, here we are.

Tonight's focus was on names. Discussion. Lists online. Laughing at each other. Ruling out names. We ended up with a list of 11 on the white board. Max took charge which added to the fun. He wrote them down and then had us each vote for our four favorites. Color coded and all as can be seen in the photo. Much to my delight, Rolo is approved as a possibility. I'll let Max take his credit for coming up with it months ago. We go right along with Cleo, Athena is getting some attention. Max suggested we give Andy, Gamma and Gump two votes each so they could be involved. Love this kid. Once we have their votes, we'll narrow to four. He's keeping the white board under lock and key. Comparable to the Declaration of Independence he said. I'll take it.

What will we name Miss Spanish Water Dog?

Graham so badly wanted to mess up the white board. He was picking on Max and me for not wanting to erase the names that didn't have a single vote from one of the four of us. He said Max was trying to make it too perfect. Pierce jumped in with Graham and I simply smiled knowing everyone was playing the exact role I would expect.

Max decided he was the Dog name commissioner. Fees of $50 to get to vote, $75 for each vote and a $25 change fee. He's keeping the white board in his room so no one can change it. He and I had a great conversation over dinner clean-up about the responsibility and happiness of a dog. He said he's all in for caring, thinks Pierce won't do as much as he should and that Graham will be somewhere in the middle. Right on. Max is showing me in all kinds of ways just how he feels about this dog coming into our family and I am grateful that at 15 he wants one as much if not more than everyone else.

Now to get Andy and my parents to vote so we can narrow down these dog names!

I can't not mention Pierce and my short conversation tonight while on the computer together. "It would be so fun to have a dog beside us right now. Petting her. She's going to love our family."

Pierce added to my night as we snuggled at bedtime. He told me he's afraid he's not going to know how to do his taxes and will some day be homeless. What? He said he feels like he won't know how to buy a house or do his taxes or the important things. I assured him he'll learn. He asked how I knew and I told him mom and dad, reading, college, and the bank helped me learn and that he'd have the same help. I wanted to just pull him and tell him to never worry about anything like this even though I know it's a natural thing (and maybe that he hears a lot about taxes right now!) He went on to tell me "maybe I'll just always live in your house." I told him I'll have to make sure to have a big house but that I think he can live on his own. "Maybe I can live in the Nueske." Perhaps you can Pierce. And this led to "Do you think Andy and you will ever get married?" Pause.....

"I care a lot about Andy. I don't know if we will or if Andy wants to get married again or if I do. We're happy together. I know that."

"I hope you do."

"I love him a lot and I know he cares a lot for all of us."

"We care about him, too." Silence for a bit. "I love you, mom."

P.S. Back to my birthday and spring break. The boys are so hoping Andy and the boys go with us. Since we don't know all the details yet, I haven't changed my verbiage from "I hope it works" to "yep, we're going to make it happen." Excited to tell them! And as for my birthday, I love that this morning when Pierce and I were talking about it he was so excited that he said he needed to text his brothers and Andy. More moments to warm my heart.

Brother moment

Graham was talking with me about shaving above his lip tonight. I gave him a few pointers about shaving in general - water, shaving cream, razors.  I suggested he talk with Max. Shortly after that, I came downstairs to hear Max teaching Graham in the bathroom. Big smile. 

FORE!

Kristin, Max, Graham and Pierce - FORE!

A big event today at our house. The three boys went golfing, on the golf course for the first time. We played nine holes at Quail Creek in North Liberty. They had a blast and so did I! Pierce was all in. Graham got up and hit with confidence. Max started frustrated and then got into a groove. All were just as I would have expected. The number of lost balls, whiffs, broken tees and smiles was priceless! Having started after 5th grade with my grandpa Ed, I loved having the experience with them!

Quote of the trip

All the kids informed us part way through Strange Magic that they did not really like the movie. Too much singing. By the same people who did Rango according to Max. And none of them liked it. Janel and I agreed.

As we are sitting in the living room, Graham passes through to brush his teeth.

"I don't really like the movie. There is too much of that, what's the word? Romantic. Yes too much. And too much love singing."

Great description Graham.

Too funny

Sitting at the table on Sunday night, with my parents after Pierce and Max had an overnight with them at their house, here is the conversation and the follow-up. I'm still a little in shock about it and definitely still laughing.

Max and Graham, sitting beside each other at dinner, were going at it in good humor.

Max, "Graham, I have a present for you."

Graham, a bit skeptical but in for it, "Ok."

Max proceeds to lift his left butt cheek and fart (yes, I just used the word in writing). A real one. Not on the noise. Seriously?

Graham and Max both busted out laughing.

Me, from standing slightly behind them, and in a bit of disbelief "What did you just do? Max, don't do that. Go to your room. I'll be in in a minute or two." Keep in mind I am trying to be stern and I am but inside I want to laugh, hard and loudly. Which is what Pierce and Graham are doing. Mitch and my parents are not fully aware of what is going on.

I head to Max's room a few minutes later and tell him the following -

• that was not nice
• in appropriate
• don't to it at the table
• what made you think that was ok

He listened, acknowledged, said he was sorry. And "it was kind of funny."

Me, "Max, I'm not happy you farted on Graham as a present. I will give you that it's funny. Part of me wants to laugh and only laugh. I am your mom and I need to tell you that you can't do things like that. I know you are going to though. You're a kid. A boy. And like to do things like this."

Max is smiling at this point. I can tell he loves the fact that I did find it funny. "I know, mom."

We laughed a little together. I think I was really telling him - "that was really funny Max. I know you're going to do things like this. Don't do them in front of me."

When I returned to the kitchen, my mom asked if he could come out of his room since they were only there for the night. She had no idea what he did. I told her. She laughed. She understood why he had to go to his room. And that it was funny, too.

I couldn't leave him in his room longer than five minutes.

Oh to having an almost 12 year-old boy and brothers!

Weekend in brief

A brief recap of our weekend -

9 baseball games - 1 for Pierce, 4 for Max (1-3), 4 for Graham (2-2) attended by some combination of siblings, parents and Gamma and Gump

4 positions played - catcher (M & G), pitcher (M & G), shortstop (M & G), 3rd (G)

? at bats

6+ Concession stand trips

1 weather delay

36 bottles of water, Vitamin water, Gatorade

2 bags of sunflower seeds

2 packs of gum

Countless blow pops

5 tired family members

5 mile run for mom

laundry going at 10:15 on Sunday night

Ahhhhh

March Madness

Serious business at our house tonight. Everyone in our family fills out a bracket for the NCAA Basketball Tournament. So far here's how many we have done -

Mitch - 5

Kristin - 3

Max - 2

Graham - 2

Pierce - 1

Gamma (visiting for a couple of days) - 1

If only I could capture all the conversation.

May the best family member and team win! 

(Side note - Wisconsin is a #1 seed this year.) 

Chocolate chip cookies = smiles

I sometimes forget how something simple can make a night great.

We (well I only caught some of it) watched The Sandlot: Coming Home tonight. Part way through, I decided to make chocolate chip cookies. Graham came home from practice as I was putting them in the oven. His comment

"Are those for us, TONIGHT?" Huge smile on his face.

"Yep."

Bigger smile.

Five minutes later from Pierce downstairs, "Mom, what are you baking?"

I arrive downstairs with a tray of four glasses of milk, lots of cookies and a bowl of sliced apples. I may as well have given them the world.

Can't count the number of smiles and thank yous I got tonight. I didn't make do any of this for the smiles or thank yous. Did it because I love my boys. Sure felt good to receive those smiles though and make them all so happy.

Football and love

Tough loss for the boys tonight in their final flag football games. Both Max and Graham lost in the semi- finals - Max's Rams to te Seahawks and Graham's Jets to the Steelers. 

Max was very disappointed and still was at bed. Graham moved on slightly faster.

On top of it, a fair amout of sibling fighting, tattling and bossing caused added stress and mom to have to instill consequences. Three unhappy kids and mom. 

At bedtime, Max pulled my heart hard.

Max "I love you." He rarely says it first. 

Me "I love you, too."

Max, "I always do. I always will." And after a pause "Even when I say I don't."

Birthday blessings

As I start another trip around the sun, I am grateful for the wishes I received in many directions (California to Maryland, all the way to Germany), from many mediums (phone, text, mail, drop-ins, Facebook), from many parts of my life (grade school, high school, college, friends of parents), from family and friends. I am blessed not only today but each and everyday. Church, Orange Leaf, games at home, pedicures with girlfriends, family dinner, basketball practice which included the family. A little bit of a lot of things and it all started with the boys and Mitch making a birthday sign and giving me 39 $1 bills and notes for dates with each boy accompanied by amazing handmade cards. Reminds me to take photos of those. My favorite gifts are always homemade and experiences. I'm looking forward to four dates and celebrating with each of them. I'm guessing I'll see a movie, bowl or play basketball and go to the Children's Museum. Those would be in age order - Max, Graham and Pierce. Mitch and I, a quiet night of dinner or something at home! And it ended with hugs and kisses at home. Yeah, I leave 38 with a smile and enter 39 with the same.

Basketball to wrap-up the day

I wrapped up my birthday (celebrating 39 was great, BTW) playing basketball with Max's Fusion team. Shane and Mitch invited the families and we had some skills contests and a scrimmage. Max and I won our first set of skills competition scoring 30 before our opponents. We lost the second time by 1 at the buzzer!  We didn't keep score in the scrimmage so no one can say they were the victors - some child probably secretly kept score - but I know our house of five had a great time.

Much like my experience with Graham's team two weeks ago, it was enough fun that I'm ready to do it again. And yes, the Monday after Graham's, my muscles were sore! Presume the same for wake up tomorrow.

Love for Billy Crystal

Admittedly, my kids have seen Parental Guidance more than once. And they love it. So do I. We all laugh out loud multiple times - although usually in different scenes.  Pierce may be the biggest fan and he LOVES Artie (played by Billy Crystal). He can recite multiple lines by and about Artie.


Tonight, we watched Monsters University for the first time (except for Max who sees everything before the rest of us). Thanks to the 2-hour delay for Iowa City Schools tomorrow - cold weather - we watched the entire move in one sitting. On a Monday. Big treat for our family. Anyway, part way through the movie, I was confirming with Mitch that Sully's voice is John Goodman. Pierce is snuggled in the beanbag beside me and says "Mike is who?" Silent for a few seconds. "He sounds like Artie."

Laughing I say "Correct. Artie and Mike's voice are the same. Wow, Pierce." Mitch and I looked at each other in awe.

Has he seen Parental Guidance too many times? Does he really recognize Billy Crystal's voice? (Mitch did mention him earlier in the evening but we made NO connection to Parental Guidance and I don't that we've ever discussed him with Pierce.) Or is Pierce amazing with voice recognition.

I'm going with number 3.

ANNIE!

My children's life will now be complete. We watched Annie the original as a family last night. I was most entertained although everyone enjoyed it. Max even said "that was good. I really like it." Mitch did close his eyes for a bit while I watched as though I'd never seen it before. So much for getting anything done while we watched. I was reminded why it was and still is one of my top ten, maybe top five movies of all time.

Side note - can it really be from 1981????

Beware

Last day of winter break (unless school is cancelled with this COLD weather) and I will be staying out of our lower level. Between the Lego building and the serious Nerf war going on between the four boys, it is not safe for my feet, my face or my glass of Chai. Happy cold vacation day.

1979 TV

Introduced the boys to Different Strokes tonight as we were checking out recently added stations. It was by chance and Mitch and I are both thankful for it as we all ended up laughing and enjoying it. I was reminded of my days watching it and LOVING it. I loved watching the boys smile and giggle at Arnold's funny comments and Willis' actions towards his brother. The boys could hardly believe we watched it when we were young - they did laugh a bit at the outfits. It was a great 25 minutes for the five of us. And I knew nearly all the words to the song at the end!

Made me long for Prime Time sitcoms to watch as a family. Family Ties, Growing Pains, Cosby Show, Knight Rider, Facts of Life, a long, long list....

Until we catch the next episode.

Nashville Christmas

Congratulations, Nashville, Aunt Niese and Uncle Jerry, and the long driving day yesterday, you wore my kids out. All had the option to stay up later because we're celebrating Christmas this weekend. The big kid choose to go to bed, the little one fell asleep with the light on and the middle one turned his head from the football game.  Wow. This is not an easy task.

The boys and Niese the day with a trip to Dunkin' Donuts. Then it was off to the Percy Dam, a two mile hike, lunch at home, football in the yard, a visit to LP Field home of the Titans, walking downtown Nashville, seeing the Capital and the inspiring Tennessee timeline, seeing Ryman Auditorium - original home of Grand Ole Opry, Antique Archaeology affiliated with American Pickers on History Channel (one store in Nashville, the other in LeClaire, Iowa) and checking out the country music recording studios. We finished the day off playing Dirty Dice a four year Beckman family tradition and celebrating Graham's birthday - doing one each day since we don't see Deniese and Jerry near the kids' birthdays. I get why everyone is tired!

Beckmans at Antique Archaelology - Nashville, TN

More lies ahead tomorrow.

Heart melt

Yep, Max melted my heart when I tucked him into bed tonight.

"You are my best friend, mom."

Silence because I just wanted to take it in.

"Thanks. Even when you say you don't like me I suppose. Sometimes you probably just forget"

"Yeah. You'll always be my best friend." And he takes my hand and wraps it around his shoulder.

"You know, Max, sometimes you make me cry when you saw hurtful words. Other times, you make me cry because of the really nice things you say."

We are peaceful for the next five minutes and then I get up to go after a big hug.

"I love you. Always have. Always will." That was Max, not me.

"Love you, too."

And that would warm my heart any day but especially at the end of the day that started with Max and me in disagreement and both in tears. But tomorrow, I'll remember today for working through the tough moments and ending this way. Love him.