Remembering Ray

At dinner tonight, Mitch and Max recounted the story of Ray in 2010 as the neighbor kids walked home from school on the last day -  

"How many days until the first day of school?"

Then again in the fall as they headed to school, "How many days until summer vacation?" 

This, of course, led to showcasing the "Iowa wave" to Ian. The Iowa Wave consists of sticking one's thumb at the end of your nose and wiggling your fingers or sticking your thumb in a bottle (likely a beer bottle) and waving your fingers. I can still remember the night he first said that when we were at Clifford's Fish Fry.

Lots of smiles, memories and laughter at dinner. 

He was entertaining. 

Driveway Tailgate

I didn't get a chance to capture it with an appropriate photo (which is what this really needs) because everyone was on the but the memory will live at least for me.

Mitch, Max, Graham and Pierce in a combination of Lions and Brewers apparel set-up a tailgate in the driveway tonight. Lions played the Bears in Monday night football (Lions win 24-13) and the Brewers played the Cardinals (Brewers lost 12-3) in playoff game two. The excitement leading up to the games has been high and the boys will be tired tomorrow because they stayed up too late. The memories, though, as they say, are priceless.

The month has been filled with over sported, over tired, over excited, craziness with the Lions, Brewers and Badgers playing big night games, winning games unexpectedly and playing many games. This is not a month my boys or I will forget.

Ray sure is having fun watching from above - likely in amazement.

Thought for Mitch

As I hung up from talking with my dad tonight, Mitch stood in the doorway of the spare room/office with sadness upon his face. Lately, I'm used to it and I know it's connected to thoughts of his mom or dad. He said to me, "I just really realized I can't call my parents to talk. I'm kind of on an island and.... it's lonely." Tears welled in his eyes.

Mitch's mom's been gone nearly six years and it's the little things that are often hardest. With his dad's recent passing, the wounds are deeper. Although I'm not where he is, I remind him that crying just shows the depth of his love and gratitude to his parents.

My heart breaks for him.

Wrapping up winter break

Tomorrow is the last day of winter break which means this was our last night of special activities. Tomorrow night, bedtime routine as usual.

Plan for tonight - one last movie. Max's choice was Santa Paws. We hadn't seen it and knew nothing about it. The movie didn't fail us and I anticipate we'll be watching it each year for many years. Disney has made yet another classic. Disney's plot summary is accurate -

In the tradition of Disney's classic holiday tales comes a heartwarming movie about the power of giving and the true meaning of Christmas. Discover how the legendary friendship of Santa Claus and Santa Paws began in the inspiring original film, The Search For Santa Paws.

When Santa and his new best friend, Paws, discover that the boys and girls of the world have lost the spirit of the season, they take a trip to New York City. But after Santa loses his memory, it's up to Paws, a faithful orphan named Quinn (America's Got Talent's Kaitlyn Maher), her new friend Will (The Game Plan's Madison Pettis) and a wonderful group of magical talking dogs to save St. Nick and show the world what Christmas is really all about.

We all gathered in the lower level and snuggled for about a half hour. After a long day (Graham's birthday party) and his general lack of movie interest, Graham asked - yes ASKED - to go to bed at 8:08. We figured it meant it was time for Pierce as well. Two kids tucked in and back to snugging with Max. The perfect moment in the movie - Santa tries to bring Paws back to life with the magic Christmas crystal but can't and begins to cry. As a tear rolls down his face, Max says, "all it takes is a little love." And truly, Mrs. Claus follows with a line about the love between Santa and Paws. It was priceless - Max and Mrs. Claus' lines combined and the fact that Max understood the love needed.

Max seems to really grasp family and love this holiday season. Christmas Eve saying the most important thing about Christmas is family, today answering that his favorite non-present thing about Christmas was "being with family" when asked by Harrison and now tonight. Maybe it's because of Ray's passing, maybe we've shown it better than usual, maybe he really just loved the season. Whatever the reason, my seven-year old's heart and love is strong.

The singing of a child

As we're riding home in the van from Milwaukee and Thanksgiving with my parents and Ray, I'm beginning to forget how sick I was this morning and that this is a long car ride for all of us when it includes a sick mom, three kids and a dad that wants to be watching the Wisconsin game in a just a few minutes.

I'm forgetting because I'm in love with Pierce singing "no monkeys jump on bed" as in "No more monkeys jumping on the bed." For a couple of weeks he's been saying "no monkeys" and "jump on bed" but while reading the book on this trip, he's put the words together. Today, he's looking at the book and singing/saying the words to us. "Mommy call doctor" was the latest. He keeps repeating "no monkeys jump on bed" because it makes all of us laugh. So cute.

The most wonderful time of the year

Mitch loves this week and this is the week that leads to my favorite time of the year! 

We arrived at Ray's about 5:30 tonight and had dinner together. He looks good and was excited to see all of us - especially the boys. We had a quiet night watching holiday shows before bed and now all are sleeping.

The summary of my day and how I feel -

Only one person left on my Christmas list, all but one package mailed, father-in-law's gifts wrapped for all the family, plans in place to help others through our church, holiday photo taken, and safely in Milwaukee for a few days to celebrate Thanksgiving. Now to decorate the house when we return home! This is the most wonderful time of the year!

Time to enjoy this time with Ray, my parents who arrive tomorrow, and my four boys!

Next fight for Ray

This is from an email Mitch sent earlier today

Cancer is a really tough opponent, but Dad is up for the fight. We received some disappointing news with regard to the tumors in his liver. Although his lungs look good at present time, the cancer in his liver is on the uptick since late July.

So he starts a new round of chemo this morning that consists of a drug to target his liver tumors. The plan is for it to shrink or keep stable the liver cancer.

Overall Dad looks great; feels normal and has normal liver function. His spirits, although a bit dampened yesterday, are back today. He has a very positive outlook and believes this round will attack and shrink the liver tumors. Why not?

I'd ask you to continue to keep him in your thoughts and prayers as he could use a ton of good vibes over the next month or so.

Also make sure you continue to make the most of your and your family's time today, tomorrow and the day after that. Keep your self focused on the mission and continue to make this world a better place.

God bless!

Baseball melts my heart

I spent tonight watching the Milwaukee Brewers and Mitch with his four favorite boys - his dad and three sons. A priceless night for all of us including dinner during batting practice, a ball caught for each boy during practice (the three little ones, Mitch reminded us that he's never gotten one in all his years going!), all five boys in their Brewers hats, a win over the Nationals and high-fives with Bernie Brewer. Oh yes, and after 40 years of going to games, Ray was hit by a ball hit during batting practice! His neck is going to be sore in the morning but thankfully, he doesn't have a serious injury! A night not to be forgotten.

Ray's update

Meant to add a note yesterday about Ray but I forgot last night. Mitch left Wednesday to accompany his dad at appointments and hopefully chemo round five starting on Thursday. He had a scan on Tuesday (can't remember if it was a CT or PET but think CT) and results were ready on Thursday.  News was all good - I'm including Mitch's note to me (his sisters and my family) as it's the best way to read the good report. Ray's now completed two of the three days of chemo with the immune booster to fall on Sunday morning. They've watched the Brewers, done some of RB Supply's work, had dinner with Mitch's cousin Richie and his partner Jose and have nearly completed the staining of Ray's fence. A great few days. Mitch will head home later tomorrow - exhausted, happy to see us, pleased at his dad's status and thankful for the good days with him.

Mitch's message to me on June 3 about 11:00 A.M.

Today thus far has been another blessed one! Dad’s cancer continues to shrink, both in the lung and liver. His blood results we’re also good, so he began chemo treatment 5 a few minutes ago. His care team, led by Dr. Choong, continues to be very pleased with his progress, making sure we understood that this news is the best we could have hoped for.
 

In addition to this good news, Dad’s spirits remain sky high. In fact he has quickly become one of Froedtert’s “favorite” patients. Honestly, they just don’t know what to think of him and his very peculiar sense of humor. I’ve now become his “Martin/Costello/Hardy/Larry” sidekick/wingman. The picture captures Dad in the penthouse chemo chair that now is reserved for him every time he receives treatment. I guess you could call it “RB Supply East.”

Thanks, hugs and a ton of love to all of you! Keep making the “main thing” the main thing.

Me and the boys

Mitch took off today to spend time with Ray as he has lab work, reading of his CT scan, meets with Dr. Choong and hopefully, undergoes another round of chemo starting tomorrow. That means it's me and the boys. We had a really good day - nearly two hours of coloring and drawing at the kitchen table and two trips to the pool. Yep, two. First one with the Schillingers (thanks to them for the invitation and all their help, especially with Pierce), a quick trip home to bring Bethany home and eat, then a return to meet Olsons and Gates who arrived when we were leaving (thanks to them, too!). The boys have jumped right into fish mode and loved two trips! Max attempted the test to go in the deep end. He didn't pass but I'm super proud of him - he tried - which for him just deciding to go for it was huge, gave it his best and did half of it amazingly well. Confident he'll pass soon and as he's said - "I don't know if I'll go off the board but I want to know I can!" You go, buddy! I had three pool tired boys tonight who all wanted some snuggle time!

Boys showing off the new swim trunks and swim shirts from Gamma and Gump at Easter - and just showing off a bit!

Grampy is too funny!

Posted by Mitch earlier today about our trip to see Ray this past weekend (you'll read some repeat of my post on the same) -

The entire Beckman crew just got back from spending the weekend with Dad and Deniese and we had a blast! It was very nice to visit just for fun. No appointments, no chemo, no doctors, no nurses. We had fun family time all centered around Dad and the boys getting crazy. Grampy taught the boys the Iowa wave, introduced them to the Tom and Jerry cartoon, and told numerous old-school jokes the boys are now re-telling to their friends and teachers. Graham and Grampy really bonded on this trip as both enjoyed each other's teasing and come-back lines. I've never seen Graham as happy. For several moments we were able to forget about cancer.

Just before our visit, Dad successfully completed his 4th round of chemo. Prior to this round of treatments, his oncologist, Dr. Choong, examined him and continues to be very happy with Dad's progress and how well he is handling the extensive chemo treatments. The only noticeable side effect is Dad's hair loss which doesn't look that much out of place.

Next steps include a second follow-up chest CT scan next week, along with another reading of this scan and his blood results, an exam by Dr. Choong, and hopefully, round 5 of chemo. I'd much rather be traveling back to hear more jokes and laughter, but any time with Dad now is quality time.

Update on Ray

Mitch sent me this email message just a bit ago....

This morning Dad had more blood work and his follow-up appointment with Dr. Choong. These were the highlights:

1. In comparing Dad’s CT scan taken Monday and on January 25, the mass on his lung attached to his heart has been “significantly” reduced (50% or so). Dr. Choong was very pleased with this.
2. He also compared the spots on his liver, and the spots had significantly shrunk as well. Dr. Choong was pleased by this.
3. Dad’s weight was up another 4 lbs.
4. His immune system took more of a hit than what Dr. Choong expected. Hence Dad will now need a immune booster shot after the last of each of his chemo sessions.
5. Dr. Choong wants to have Dad go through a total of 6 chemo treatment regimens, the maximum number they allow.
6. Dad’s numbers are back up and is just starting the first 2 bags of round 3, which concluded Sunday morning with his injection.
7. His next scheduled appointments for blood work, Dr. Choong and round 4 of chemo begins Thursday, May 13.

We couldn’t have mapped out a better outcome at this point. Dad is very happy (sleeping in the chair), and was giving/receiving giving high-fives and hugs. Today is a good day. Yeah!!!

Love to all of you,

Mitch

Expect the Unexpected

Posted on Ray's CarePage by Mitch today

Dad and I are learning that when it comes to his ongoing treatment and care, we should always "expect the unexpected." Case in point is that dad's 3rd round of chemo was postponed at the last minute because his white blood cell count was too low. Ironically with his count being low, he was more at risk for harm because of his inability to fight infection vs. the harmful risks of his cancer. He took the unexpected news in stride and rescheduled round 3, beginning next Thursday, April 22, preceded by his check-up with his oncologist, and a second CT scan to compare and determine whether the spots in his liver are shrinking. He is in very good spirits, and remains encouraged that there is a strong liklihood that shrinkage is occuring and will continue to stay shrunk for as long as possible.


Dad continues to work every day, and sticks to his nearly-normal routine, which makes him happy at the moment. With spring in full force, he's all about baseball and the Brewers, the NFL Draft, spring football, grilling out, keeping his plush green lawn manicured, and most importantly, spending a great deal of quality time with my sisters and me, his friends and neighbors, and his dog, Scooter.

Thanks for your continued interest and support. Please continue to keep dad in your thoughts and prayers, especially the morning of Monday, April 19.

Ray update

Mitch went to Milwaukee last Wednesday night to accompany his dad to his appointments and round three of chemo starting on Thursday. Ray's lab work on Thursday morning showed a lower than desired white blood count so he was not able to have round three of chemo. His appointment did confirm some weight gain which was a positive sign. He continues to feel pretty good bus is losing his hair as expected. Mitch and Ray took care of some odd jobs around the house including getting the house and yard ready for spring - Yeah! since it snowed when we were last visiting! The highlight for both Mitch and Ray was attending the Milwaukee Brewers baseball game on Friday night. Hopefully, this will be game one of at least two for Mitch to attend with his dad. It followed the Milwaukee tradition of Friday night fish frys - this time at Cliffords! A pretty perfect night for these Beckmans!

Ray's doctor has tentatively decided to schedule a CT scan next instead of a PET scan. It will likely happen around the 19th as originally planned and hopefully be followed by another round of chemo.

Mitch talks to Ray daily and is supporting his dad in the unexpected journey in every way he can. I'm very proud of him. This is a journey that he didn't imagine he'd be on, neither did Ray, and each day they find strength in small things and take the tough times in stride.

Spring break time with Grampy and Aunt Shelby (March 17-20)

The week after dad’s second round of chemo, Kristin, Max, Graham, Pierce and I traveled to dad’s to spend our spring break with him and Aunt Shelby while she was visiting from Florida for a week. We arrived late Wednesday night and the boys were really excited to see Grampy and Aunt Shelby! All things considered, dad looked good and seemed to be tolerating his second round of chemo fairly well thus far. No fever. No nausea. And his appetite remains good. All are good signs as he progresses through this round which involves his first full dose of chemo. He’s lost a little bit of hair but it’s not too noticeable. During our time and Michelle’s continued stay after our departure, it marked 7-10 days post chemo, which makes him most susceptible to illness, infection and severe fatigue. Overall, he seemed to keep these things away!

Thursday morning Max, Graham and I awoke early around 6 am so we could spend the day with Grampy at work. Work with Grampy is always a blast as Grampy spends the day working out of his truck delivering parts and taking orders from his customers throughout SE Wisconsin. Our first stop was McDonalds and then to National Bakery – voted the best bakery in Milwaukee! Grampy bought the boys huge chocolate and cream-filled donuts. At this point, Max and Graham were thinking that Grampy has the best job in the entire world. The boys proceeded to spend the day on the road traveling the countryside and making several stops along the way, including a stop that Max and Graham got to sit in a big rig; another that allowed them to sit in a huge John Deere tractor; more donuts and sweets at Piggly Wiggly, and my favorite stop, Widmers Cheese Factory in Theresa, WI, home to the world famous Widmer’s brick cheese. The cheese factory also included free samples and we definitely took advantage. Of the four boys, I'm not sure which one of us enjoyed this day of work most.

We spent Thursday afternoon outside at Whitnall Park with Aunt Shelby. Dad needed a break and the boys needed to run off some sugar energy. The weather was perfect for a day outside on the play equipment. After the park, it was more NCAA basketball viewing and takeout for dinner. Since dad normally has limited taste options, we did takeout from Culvers and Noodles. One of the highlights from this trip played out over dinner between dad and Graham and how dad teases Graham when responding to some of his questions. For example, Graham asked whether dad was going to go to Stone Fire Pizza Company with us, and dad said, “Nope, I’m going to go to the Walt Disney pizza company next door.” Of course Graham replied and said he’d rather go with dad instead of us. But after several times of dad’s teasing, I think Graham finally caught on and figured out dad was making it up. After several days of this, Graham would tease dad right back. It was really funny to watch them go back and forth. I’m not sure Graham will ever believe grampy again when he asks him a question. After a very long day, the boys went to bed early for a much needed night of sleep.

Friday was more basketball and Stone Fire Pizza day. We were all fired up after the Badgers won their game. After the game the boys headed to Stone Fire with Aunt Shelby and Kristin. The Mass family joined them, and Brianna and Emelia were great to the boys. The four of them bonded very quickly as if they had known each other for a very long time. Dad, Pierce and I joined everyone later for dinner. It was nice for dad to get out for dinner and spend the time with everyone.

Saturday was departure dad and much of the morning was spent preparing for leaving. Dad treated us all to breakfast, and what an eventful breakfast it was, especially for Pierce. For the first time, Pierce didn’t want to cooperate at all. He really didn’t want anything to do with sitting still and eating. Max and Graham were also full of energy and didn’t seem all that interested in sitting too long over breakfast. Everyone survived though. After breakfast Kristin and dad went to Sendick’s, dad’s favorite grocery store, and now Kristin’s too. By the time Kristin packed us, we left around 11:30 and had a peaceful drive home.

What a fantastic weekend for us! We had a great visit to Grampy’s and look forward to our next family trip in May when we’ll see a Brewer’s game – a favorite pastime of my dad.

Hanging with Grampy

We arrived last night to spend a few days with Ray/Dad/Grampy - Aunt Shelby is also at his house which is an extra treat! It's already been a really good visit and we've just been here twenty four hours. The highlights of the time -

Max, Graham and Mitch left about 6:30 this morning to work with Ray. What a time for the boys (all three of them)! They boys got to get on a tractor at the county garage, they sat in a semi, ate donuts and rode in Grampy's truck. Graham went on errands with Aunt Shelby. Grampy gave both boys new pads of paper which to my two is just the best! This afternoon we went to the park, ate takeout and had banana cake from National Bakery. Before bed, Max and Graham watched the first round of the NCAA tournament with Mitch, Ray and myself. They were tired boys when the lights went out BEFORE 8:00!!

The funny statement of the day - Michelle is getting ready to run errands and Graham says he wants to go. Okay, works for everyone.

Graham to Aunt Shelby, "Are you going to Piggly Wiggly, Aunt Shelby?"

Piggly Wiggly is a grocery store that I think Graham has only been to once. I love that he knows the grocery store name but I think he only remembers because it's where the donuts came from this morning.

Ray is feeling well and has good energy. It's really good to be here.

The best girl

in our house.

The boys were so excited when I came out to the car with ice cream after stopping at McDonald's to use the restrooms and stretch en route to Ray's last night. Graham was so excited, he told me,

"Mom, you are the best, best, best, best bestest, girl (slight pause) in our house."

Great. I was hoping to be the "best girl" period. I guess in a four-year olds mind, being the best in the house is the best and a super good thing, even if you're the only girl to start! At least I know that my treat was appreciated!

Love ya, G